Today at 7 eastern the Tennessee Titans try to keep their playoff hopes alive against the San Diego Chargers.
Now, if you know me at all, you certainly know one thing about my family.
We bleed football. Its a part of us that you cant take away from us, because we simply wouldnt be the same.
Now, to people outside of Tennessee and San Diego (and a few middle age, divorced alcoholics in Vegas) this game means nothing.
But see, in my house, my brother and father root for the Chargers.
I root for the Titans for as long as I can remeber (and LOATHE the fucking Chargers. Youre damn right i went all caps in that one.)
The collective pride and rivarly in sports between the three of us is bigger than amount of pot Cobain smoked in the Nevermind Tour.
So, yeah, it is kind of the end of the world if Tennessee loses.
25/12/09
23/12/09
17/12/09
12/12/09
Take Me With You
We are not here because we have lost something or someone.
We are all here because we have lost everything.
We are all here because we have been stripped from our humanity.
Its only when you have lost your common sense that you are actually useful in war. Its better to not have something at all, because in the moment that bullet reaches the barrel, slashes through the never ending snow and finally tears apart your skin like a dog does with a piece of meat, you will keep going. You wont feel it at all. To stay alive in here, you must greet death. You must embrace death. You must love death.
With time, we all learn this.
I use to dread this moment. Those minutes behind the gates that you are just waiting to go out there and unleash hell to everything and everyone. Those minutes behind the gates that you are just waiting for the final breath of your lungs be taken away from you.
In these peaceful moments, everyone is focused, locked away in their own, private world of solace and comfort.
We memorize the eyes and faces of those who surround us and we take those images with us.
They change everyday. They are never the same. But you will never forget them. For you know they might be the last thing you remember of this life.
However, if by a cruel joke of fate you survive another unholy skirmish, those eyes and faces stay with you only during the day.
During the night they are supplanted by those eyes and faces of those youve killed. You hear them scream in your dreams, taunting you, waiting for you to join em. They pity you, because they know they are safe now. They have paid there debt to this Earth and now they are free.
And then there's you. You are still open to all the transgressions of this Earth. I wish that i didnt just embraced death. I wish that she had taken me with her.
Deep in my prayer for this to be my last day in this world, I barely notice the kid in front of me.
He is so young.
He could be my son.
A tear starts rolling down his cheek.
We are only seconds away now.
60 seconds.
I take a out a piece of paper.
30 seconds.
I write down my wish to him.
20 seconds.
I give the piece of paper to him.
10 seconds.
He reads it back to me.
"Die tonight, Live forever.''
5 seconds
He smiles at me.
3 seconds.
Most beautiful smile I have ever seen.
2 seconds.
Blackout.
1 second.
I Greet Death.
This time, she takes me with her.
We are all here because we have lost everything.
We are all here because we have been stripped from our humanity.
Its only when you have lost your common sense that you are actually useful in war. Its better to not have something at all, because in the moment that bullet reaches the barrel, slashes through the never ending snow and finally tears apart your skin like a dog does with a piece of meat, you will keep going. You wont feel it at all. To stay alive in here, you must greet death. You must embrace death. You must love death.
With time, we all learn this.
I use to dread this moment. Those minutes behind the gates that you are just waiting to go out there and unleash hell to everything and everyone. Those minutes behind the gates that you are just waiting for the final breath of your lungs be taken away from you.
In these peaceful moments, everyone is focused, locked away in their own, private world of solace and comfort.
We memorize the eyes and faces of those who surround us and we take those images with us.
They change everyday. They are never the same. But you will never forget them. For you know they might be the last thing you remember of this life.
However, if by a cruel joke of fate you survive another unholy skirmish, those eyes and faces stay with you only during the day.
During the night they are supplanted by those eyes and faces of those youve killed. You hear them scream in your dreams, taunting you, waiting for you to join em. They pity you, because they know they are safe now. They have paid there debt to this Earth and now they are free.
And then there's you. You are still open to all the transgressions of this Earth. I wish that i didnt just embraced death. I wish that she had taken me with her.
Deep in my prayer for this to be my last day in this world, I barely notice the kid in front of me.
He is so young.
He could be my son.
A tear starts rolling down his cheek.
We are only seconds away now.
60 seconds.
I take a out a piece of paper.
30 seconds.
I write down my wish to him.
20 seconds.
I give the piece of paper to him.
10 seconds.
He reads it back to me.
"Die tonight, Live forever.''
5 seconds
He smiles at me.
3 seconds.
Most beautiful smile I have ever seen.
2 seconds.
Blackout.
1 second.
I Greet Death.
This time, she takes me with her.
My brother and I got in a fight today. Not just one of youre regular "shove n' dash" classics but a real, WWF meets UFC fight.
We do these once every few months. Its always good to spar for a few rounds while youre parents are christmas shopping. Dunno, keeps the brotherhood spirit going i guess.
Anyway, this things usually start for the most insanelyidiotic (yes, one word),stupid, peeing-against-the-wind kinda reasons. Then comes the pushing n screaming, then followed by my brother realizing, Hey, what the fuck! Im no longer half his size and 10 pounds lighter! (Man, DO i miss those days.)
And boom. Im telling you, when you fight the same guy over and over during 12 years its pretty cool when you both kinda know what youre gonna do next. But its pretty frustrating when you cant stop it, (like USC vs Texas in th 06 Rose Bowl when everyone in the whole stadium knew Vince Young would run it 4th and 5 and yet USC could not stop him for the kazillionth time.)
We ended up going at it for about 10 minutes, finishing in his room when we fell down again, only this time we hit his guitar and smashed it to pieces. High comedy, I say. Not for him, of course. Well, point is, this things are escalating to a whole new dimension. In previous years we usually didnt punch each other (we are brothers, after all) but nowadays, its like pacquiao - cotto only in my living room. Fact is, its pretty even now, unlike 4 or 5 years ago when i could keep an eye on the football game and still submit him Chris Benoit style.
The funniest part is when we both get winded, we stop fighting and retreat to our corners, not talking or seeing each other for two hours, and when i go looking for some ice (he got me below the eye pretty good) finding him also looking for ice for his lip.
Family values in their hightest point.
We do these once every few months. Its always good to spar for a few rounds while youre parents are christmas shopping. Dunno, keeps the brotherhood spirit going i guess.
Anyway, this things usually start for the most insanelyidiotic (yes, one word),stupid, peeing-against-the-wind kinda reasons. Then comes the pushing n screaming, then followed by my brother realizing, Hey, what the fuck! Im no longer half his size and 10 pounds lighter! (Man, DO i miss those days.)
And boom. Im telling you, when you fight the same guy over and over during 12 years its pretty cool when you both kinda know what youre gonna do next. But its pretty frustrating when you cant stop it, (like USC vs Texas in th 06 Rose Bowl when everyone in the whole stadium knew Vince Young would run it 4th and 5 and yet USC could not stop him for the kazillionth time.)
We ended up going at it for about 10 minutes, finishing in his room when we fell down again, only this time we hit his guitar and smashed it to pieces. High comedy, I say. Not for him, of course. Well, point is, this things are escalating to a whole new dimension. In previous years we usually didnt punch each other (we are brothers, after all) but nowadays, its like pacquiao - cotto only in my living room. Fact is, its pretty even now, unlike 4 or 5 years ago when i could keep an eye on the football game and still submit him Chris Benoit style.
The funniest part is when we both get winded, we stop fighting and retreat to our corners, not talking or seeing each other for two hours, and when i go looking for some ice (he got me below the eye pretty good) finding him also looking for ice for his lip.
Family values in their hightest point.
9/12/09
8/12/09
Me he dado cuenta que no quiero que se vaya.
La cosa siempre estuvo rara con ella. Estoy seguro que en algun momento me gusto pero no me acuerdo porque. Me ayudo con muchas cosas y tambien estoy segura que en algun momento fue mi mejor amiga. Le platique todo lo que paso en Ese Año (que sin duda va a pasar a mi historia como el mas raro de todos) y siempre fue honesta conmigo. Una vez hasta le hice la tarea creo. No hago la mia, nunca me imagine haciendo la de alguien mas.
Pero todo paso bien rapido. Paso el primer año de la prepa, me entretuve en otras cosas y asi acabo todo.
Tambien me di cuenta que ella significaba mas para mi que yo a ella, pero no me molestaba, es una de las cosas que aceptas despues de un rato. (Algo asi como cuando te das cuenta de morro,"Entonces, NO voy a ser futbolista de grande? En serio?")
Bueno el punto es que ya se va, hoy como que me cayo el veinte y se sintio gacho.
Porque en serio no quiero que se vaya.
Thats all i guess.
La cosa siempre estuvo rara con ella. Estoy seguro que en algun momento me gusto pero no me acuerdo porque. Me ayudo con muchas cosas y tambien estoy segura que en algun momento fue mi mejor amiga. Le platique todo lo que paso en Ese Año (que sin duda va a pasar a mi historia como el mas raro de todos) y siempre fue honesta conmigo. Una vez hasta le hice la tarea creo. No hago la mia, nunca me imagine haciendo la de alguien mas.
Pero todo paso bien rapido. Paso el primer año de la prepa, me entretuve en otras cosas y asi acabo todo.
Tambien me di cuenta que ella significaba mas para mi que yo a ella, pero no me molestaba, es una de las cosas que aceptas despues de un rato. (Algo asi como cuando te das cuenta de morro,"Entonces, NO voy a ser futbolista de grande? En serio?")
Bueno el punto es que ya se va, hoy como que me cayo el veinte y se sintio gacho.
Porque en serio no quiero que se vaya.
Thats all i guess.
Writing for No Reason at All?
Todavia no entiendo porque escribo. Bueno, en realidad ya no escribo. Mas bien no entiendo el proposito del blog. Empezo como una tarea de paraescolar y se ha transformado en una especie de diario. (Fuck, that is so freaking corny)
No importa, asi soy aveces de todos modos.
El punto es que durante este año y feria me he dado cuenta que esta cosa puede ser un peligro en manos equivocadas. En mi, me gusta pensar que en algun momento voy a leer estas cosas y acordarme de lo culero que era tener 16.
No,espera, eso salio mal.
Escribo para acordarme de lo chingon que era tener 16.
Si, era eso.
So, yeah, looks that i do have a reason to write after all.
No importa, asi soy aveces de todos modos.
El punto es que durante este año y feria me he dado cuenta que esta cosa puede ser un peligro en manos equivocadas. En mi, me gusta pensar que en algun momento voy a leer estas cosas y acordarme de lo culero que era tener 16.
No,espera, eso salio mal.
Escribo para acordarme de lo chingon que era tener 16.
Si, era eso.
So, yeah, looks that i do have a reason to write after all.
3/12/09
I thought football was the toughest sport on the body.
Boy, was I wrong.
Try mountain cycling.
Yeah, you read it right. Cycling.
Today i flipped over and nearly blew my brains out. About half an hour later i flew out of the frickin bike and landed with my chest, missing by three inches some rocks in front of me. Im still breathing a little funny, but ill be okay.
And i rode long enough to feel like i was being raped every 0.005 seconds. Its unreal how uncomfortable those things are.
But, heck, im doing it again tomorrow!
(You know you are nuts when you know there is at least 4 - 1 odds that you are gonna die from doing something, and you are still pumped about it.)
Boy, was I wrong.
Try mountain cycling.
Yeah, you read it right. Cycling.
Today i flipped over and nearly blew my brains out. About half an hour later i flew out of the frickin bike and landed with my chest, missing by three inches some rocks in front of me. Im still breathing a little funny, but ill be okay.
And i rode long enough to feel like i was being raped every 0.005 seconds. Its unreal how uncomfortable those things are.
But, heck, im doing it again tomorrow!
(You know you are nuts when you know there is at least 4 - 1 odds that you are gonna die from doing something, and you are still pumped about it.)
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